Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 


Your hands are delicate, precise
in their control.  I trust that you
should have the hang of things by now.
On stage, or off, backstage, or not,
I'm made into the spectacle.
As long as you and I are seen
we are a sickly sort of act:
a marionette who needs no strings
yet still is bound as though he draws
no breath, nor beats no drum heartbeat.

You paint my face the way you'd like
for it to look.  A dash of black
around the eyes, with flesh so pale,
a hint of rose about the cheek
suggesting life in need of no
brushstrokes to be mortality
in truth.  But you always apply
the paint, and you always do try
to smooth it on so carefully.
No one will know that you are no

artist, that I only allow
you your charade.  It's all you have,
and though you use me for your games,
your shows, to dance and entertain,
we know the strings are treach'rous things
that bind the two of us -- both ways.
Dualities like this are dreams
come true.  I would not wish to be
anywhere but with you, my love,
you are the only thing I know.
©2006-2009 ~staxu
:iconstaxu:

Author's Comments

This is for class tomorrow (Monday, April 10)

It's supposedly iambic tetrameter, though allowed to deviate just a bit, which I think I do. On the iambic part, not the tetrameter.

Feedback on this is really, really useful, as I don't normally do fixed work like this.
And the feedback needs to be speedy. :p

Also, suggestions for a better title, please?

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconcat-of-lonlyness:
It's pretty good. Hope you get a good grade on it. When is Springbreak for you? We've already started.

--
nobody is weird.. its just a word to discriminate people who others find different from them.
-dreamsdenied
:iconstaxu:
Spring break? That was a month ago, for me. Classes end in three weeks, as well. Gotta love college.
:iconthatstarvingartist:
this is going into my favorites. the only thing i would consider changing (altho not necesary) would be how the 2nd stanza flows into the 3rd stanza. i kind of paused after reading the second stanza, so when i started on the 3rd, i had to re-read a bit, and it sounded funny. but other than that- great work :)

--
"Mind led body to the edge of the precipice,
Where they stared in desire at the naked abyss.
'If you love me', said mind,
'Take that step into silence.'
'If you love me', said body,
'Turn and exist'."

go here!> [link]
:iconstaxu:
I intended all three stanzas to be that way, but things just didn't work out like that. Thanks for the fave!
:iconthatstarvingartist:
anytime! i hope u get a good grade on that- u deserve it!

--
"Mind led body to the edge of the precipice,
Where they stared in desire at the naked abyss.
'If you love me', said mind,
'Take that step into silence.'
'If you love me', said body,
'Turn and exist'."

go here!> [link]
:iconthatstarvingartist:
:hug:

--
"Mind led body to the edge of the precipice,
Where they stared in desire at the naked abyss.
'If you love me', said mind,
'Take that step into silence.'
'If you love me', said body,
'Turn and exist'."

go here!> [link]
:iconravencloud:
Oh jeeze! Total Deja vu. I was planning to do something similar to this, only macabre. I really like the whole idea and enjoyed this piece immensely

--
Who the hell can believe you
I don't ((take)) it anymore

What can I do?
:iconcat-of-lonlyness:
I take it you graduated allready. I thought you were a year ahead of me(Sr)

--
nobody is weird.. its just a word to discriminate people who others find different from them.
-dreamsdenied

Details

April 9, 2006
1.3 KB

Statistics

14
1 [who?]
60 (0 today)
0 (0 today)

Share

Link
Thumb

Site Map